I saw this video link tweet from Lady Estrogen and I couldnt stop laughing. So darn funny.
Once during my hospital visit, one doctor asked me in three syllables to my husband "Sheeee yourrrrr wifeeee speakkkk English?" in action as well.
If you see only Toyota cars and Honda SUVs cars parked - INDIAN (Guilty as charged)
Once during my hospital visit, one doctor asked me in three syllables to my husband "Sheeee yourrrrr wifeeee speakkkk English?" in action as well.
When I came to US, I was pretty naive - it is hard to break 20 year old habit. Took a while for me to blend in.Anyway you might have known these or noticed these before, anyway take these as my confession or observation.
If any of you angry-Indians have to railroad me, or blame me for "ratting out Indians", I'll LOL (for below is no secret) :)
If any of you angry-Indians have to railroad me, or blame me for "ratting out Indians", I'll LOL (for below is no secret) :)
If you see only Toyota cars and Honda SUVs cars parked - INDIAN (Guilty as charged)
If you see a swimmer in deepsea diving suit in swimming pool or in water park - INDIAN
If you hear someone define "family" with 1 elderly couple, 1 young couple and 1 boy child and maybe 1 girl - INDIAN
If you hear some quote in foreign language from Ramayana with "already done" tag for even a new NASA article - INDIAN
If anyone cuts the line and pushes people without a single "sorry" or "Excuse me" - INDIAN
If a elevator is halted with a hand inbetween just before it is ready to lift off - INDIAN
If someone is driving and crossing three left lanes without slowing down in single shot like in video games - INDIAN
If you need to cook a story about your weekend to share it with your colleague to avoid judgements for every monday morning - INDIAN
If you receive a wedding invitation from a person whom you had known only for 3 days - INDIAN
If you receive a phone call that starts with "had dinner?" followed by a hello - INDIAN
If in craigslist you see an item 3-5 year old priced more then the new one in store - INDIAN
If you hear "is this vegetarian?" for every dish in buffet table - INDIAN
If you hear a lecture about how evil is alcohol or bail out parties if alcohol is served - INDIAN
If you see someone jump up on hearing these words "virgin", "beef", "boyfriend", "divorce" - INDIAN
If someone troubles you with numerous personal questions - INDIAN
If anyone comes to a meeting around 30 - 50 mins late every single time - INDIAN
If something flies off from a car window in a highway - INDIAN
If you hear "wheatish color" as an adjective instead of beautiful or pretty - INDIAN
If you see someone reusing yogurt cans, gift wrappers, aluminium foils and ziplock bags - INDIAN
If someone carries food to all places even if it would say “No Food Allowed” - INDIAN
If someone is bargaining high and low in dollar shop - INDIAN
If anyone returns their purchase on 29th day for 30daysperiod and on 89th day for 3month exchange-period goods - INDIAN
If someone stares at you constantly but wont smile back or say hello - INDIAN
If someone carries coke and pepsi in Aquafina bottle - INDIAN
If someone addresses you as Sir/Madam/Aunty/Uncle - INDIAN
If someone is grammar-nazi's nightmare or has no grammar morality - INDIAN (Guilty as charged)
If anyone cuts the line and pushes people without a single "sorry" or "Excuse me" - INDIAN
If a elevator is halted with a hand inbetween just before it is ready to lift off - INDIAN
If someone is driving and crossing three left lanes without slowing down in single shot like in video games - INDIAN
If you need to cook a story about your weekend to share it with your colleague to avoid judgements for every monday morning - INDIAN
If you receive a wedding invitation from a person whom you had known only for 3 days - INDIAN
If you receive a phone call that starts with "had dinner?" followed by a hello - INDIAN
If in craigslist you see an item 3-5 year old priced more then the new one in store - INDIAN
If you hear "is this vegetarian?" for every dish in buffet table - INDIAN
If you hear a lecture about how evil is alcohol or bail out parties if alcohol is served - INDIAN
If you see someone jump up on hearing these words "virgin", "beef", "boyfriend", "divorce" - INDIAN
If someone troubles you with numerous personal questions - INDIAN
If anyone comes to a meeting around 30 - 50 mins late every single time - INDIAN
If something flies off from a car window in a highway - INDIAN
If you hear "wheatish color" as an adjective instead of beautiful or pretty - INDIAN
If you see someone reusing yogurt cans, gift wrappers, aluminium foils and ziplock bags - INDIAN
If someone carries food to all places even if it would say “No Food Allowed” - INDIAN
If someone is bargaining high and low in dollar shop - INDIAN
If anyone returns their purchase on 29th day for 30daysperiod and on 89th day for 3month exchange-period goods - INDIAN
If someone stares at you constantly but wont smile back or say hello - INDIAN
If someone carries coke and pepsi in Aquafina bottle - INDIAN
If someone addresses you as Sir/Madam/Aunty/Uncle - INDIAN
If someone is grammar-nazi's nightmare or has no grammar morality - INDIAN (Guilty as charged)
A third-world elevator... hahahaha that video is so funny if you have a sense of humor and don't get offended by everything... Her creaky voice is so annoying, though. She really sounded stereotypically blond, rich-blond, of course. Great hair, too. 'If you hear "is this vegetarian?" for every dish in buffet table - INDIAN' hahahaha. I'm allowed to laugh because 1. I have a sense of humor 2. I've been sucked into an Indian family myself 3. I'm a vegetarian. Now it's your turn to laugh.
ReplyDeleteHahaha. Get offended is choice, if anyone wants to take offense they can take offense at anything. Yep, have a little sense of humor. You are a vegetarian? Interesting. Good luck to your Indian life or life with Indian, kidding, Angie sounds lovely.
DeleteP.S. If someone wants to know if you also study law or want to become an engineer - INDIAN.
ReplyDeleteGood one. Doctors? Doctors RCB, lawyers make money only in US, in India they dont, that is why every case runs for around 20 years . ;)
DeleteThat's quite funny and INDIAN!
ReplyDeleteThat was a clever and smart comment or should I say "INDIAN" and badass?
DeleteI second what Dez said about you "very eloquent man". Glad to know that you are filling Anne's spot while she is out, poor Cat. :)
I want to go to 7 eleven to buy a slurpee
ReplyDeleteI use to work at 7 Eleven with an Indian fellow! He seemed kind of dumb but I assumed it was the langauge barrier, then one day I was talking to a taxi driver who was Indian (and who was from the same city as my co-worker) and he set me straight! He told me that it wasn't the langauge barrier, but that my coworker was actually an idiot who made little to no sense!
DeleteThat story was kind of off topic, but I wanted to tell it!
If the taxi driver you spoke to , came off as a smart Indian - then I would say he is "one in a million" and 7 eleven co-worker - "one of the millions" ;)
DeleteDumb Indians are more than smart Indians. :)
"If someone addresses you as Sir/Madam/Aunty/Uncle"
ReplyDeleteI don't know why this annoys me, but when a 40 year old Indian man calls me "sir" it feels weird.
...When they call me "madam", it's even more weird. *Ba dum bum*
Okay, anyway, how's this?
"His five o clock shadow has a five o clock shadow - INDIAN"
Five o clock shadow - yep, I missed that one. Hairy, Cheap and cant play sports. :)
DeleteThat was a good one B&B.
About the Sir/Madam - your lastname isnt Mr.Trump, else who would have loved that instead of feeling weird. :)
I just tell they're Indian from the colour of their skin. The Sir/Madam/Aunty/Uncle one can be said about the Japanese too!
ReplyDeleteYou arent completely right. Majority of the average may look like a Manoj Night Shymalan, but India is called sub-continent for nothing.
DeleteSome of the north Indians may look like middleeasteners, and some may look like Latinos, and northeast-indians look like typical Chinese or Japanese and south Indians resemble blacks except the hair and people from Kashmir look like whites.
No wonder why Pakistan wants Kashmir so bad. :)
I didn't understand your question about what I said on ABFTS blog. I was just saying there are logs of ways to get money from the blogging gig.
ReplyDeleteDamn, you do have a big problem with understanding :) That is no secret, I am most positive. Especially after the (oxy)moronic gold you spilled
Delete"What you posted had asides that where not clearly denoted, as well as asides within those asides, that resulted in very broken English"
"If you see someone reusing yogurt cans, gift wrappers, aluminium foils and ziplock bags - INDIAN"
ReplyDeleteThat applies to southern folks as well. haha
hahahaha. South has lot of Indians? When did NJ-Edison and California-SFO move down south?
DeleteJust kidding, I didnt know that, Indians can blend in well there?
I just want to know about the whole soda in the water bottle?? I never noticed - now I'm going to be labeled a racist for staring at Indians carrying water bottles to see if they have soda in it instead =)
ReplyDeleteNope. No racist. You will only be leveling the playing field. :)
DeleteIndians have patent for staring at people. They are even called as monkey spectators. Reverse is also Indian, water in coke bottle? You couldnt have missed that.
Now I know why my girlfriend is staring at me all the time... Problem solved, case closed. Next!
DeleteNo No No, you deserve that stare, feel guilty and "ogle" would be the right response.
DeleteLMAO wow now I know how to spot them with ease. How to spot a cat? They give you fleas on your knees.
ReplyDeleteDont thank me for the lessons to spot an Indian, I do it for charity :)
Delete"Spot a cat" - Should I copy paste Anne's comment here?
Hey you have Russell Peters in Canada, try his Indian stand up comedy , I am sure you will love that. He mocks every single thing. :)
Oh MAMTC, that comment (in response to your comments on my blog about comments on ABFTS's blog posts). The reason I said your comment was crazy is the engrish was very mangled, and included some reference to a story that must be a long running one between you and ABFTS. Either way to the casual reader that comment made little to no sense when it was off topic, and barely made sense when it was on topic (ie, the crazy rich dude ABFTS was writing about). That is what I was talking about on your comment.
ReplyDeleteYou may want to switch places for the adjectives "crazy" and "casual" from "crazy comment" and "casual reader" references :)
Delete"Crazy rich dude" is Bryan's bro-in-law. My honorable Engrish teacher :)
I would like to meet your Engrish teacher, oops, isnt English your mothertongue unlike mine?
@Josh Dennis
ReplyDelete"I take that you have a lovely couch in your home? Per year how many days do you sleep on the couch?
But you have captured everything right about dating over-the-top rich guys. And not to forget the "the rich people thing" slogan in condescending tone.
Unless if a woman has plans to marry the millionaire, date his secretary and sleep with pool boy, not everyone's cup of tea, or maybe a strong prenuptial if there are plans to break it off in 3 months ;) else will end up only with lowselfesteem"
I meant to say that his post about his bro-in-law would result in him getting kicked out from his bedroom and he may need to sleep on the couch. He does post about his bro-in-law often.
And "rich people thing" slang isnt that common?
I hate golf and I dont agree or accept golf as a sport but would often get "rich people thing" as reply or response all the time. Not just golf but auction, antiques and all such.
Engrish? Very well, no denial there. But crazy comment? well, I would like to say ts;cr but I wont :)
Your explanation above actually greatly improved what you where trying to say, but on my first reading, the sleeping on the couch thing was out of left field. Explaining that it was because his wife would kick him out added greatly to that comment.
Delete"the rich people thing" would have been better as "it's a rich people thing".
Taken together if you had written something akin to:
I take it you have a lovely couch in your home? You must get a lot of use out of it posting this often about your brother in law. But you captured (almost) everything about dating over-the-top rich guys, you just forgot the condescending "it's a rich people thing".
If a woman plans to marry the millionaire (who will most likely just be dating his secretary anyway) and sleep with the pool boy, it will result in low self esteem. Unless you get a plan to break it off quickly and get a strong prenump ;).
Then you would have come across as a well spoken, clear thinking individual. What you posted had asides that where not clearly denoted, as well as asides within those asides, that resulted in very broken English. Now that you've chosen to expound on it, the comment was funny as intended, not as delivered. I stand by my initial assessment.
assessment? You took the liberty to do an "assessment" about me - not in my blog , not in my blog or in a post about me but in a different blog?
DeleteThanks for the English lessons, I do appreciate that Shakespeare. But I think you do have comprehension problem just like my language problem.
"If a woman plans to marry the millionaire (who will most likely just be dating his secretary anyway) and sleep with the pool boy, it will result in low self esteem. Unless you get a plan to break it off quickly and get a strong prenump ;). " - I meant the woman unless has plans to
1.Marry the millionaire
2.Court the secretary
3. And sleep with pool boy - wouldnt prefer to be a mere nanny.
Or if she has premeditated plans to break off the marriage, she would have made a pretty strong prenuptial.
"Clear thinking indiviual" - wow, you are the guy who roams with brush and scale alltime- arent you?
In case if I need to explain this as well, a person who judges people often and who easily labels others and paints a picture about them as he likes and whats everyone to think the way he wants to - See the expanded version doesnt come off witty :)
So, I admit that I have language problem, but you need some comprehension lessons. And let me take liberty to think aloud about some etiquette.
1. It is ABFTS's blog, you got to comment about their article
2. If I am your friend or blog acquaintance you could label me or call me names or shout out "crazy" , "not well spoken" , "not clear thinking indiviual".
3. Think twice about preaching and advising others, especially strangers - I dont know you, you dont know me even in blogosphere.
After reading this
"What you posted had asides that where not clearly denoted, as well as asides within those asides, that resulted in very broken English"
- I think I have both reading and comprehending problem. Dont I?
Dont get offended Josh, Dan doesnt call me "argumentative shrew" for nothing. :)
LOL at the video, Every time I meet an Indian girl that's how they've act no joke :) I like how you put the guilty as charged next to the ones you can relate to. It's good to laugh and joke at things like this, people can be too serious about race and ethnicity at times.
ReplyDeleteSo, you are pretty equipped to handle Indians I guess. :) Maybe you have seen only tip of iceberg, dont try to go to NJ-Edison, you may never ever try to visit India, not even to learn about Kamasutra.
DeleteThis video is actually Miss.Patel mimicking white girls.
"Serious about race and ethinicity" - losers if you ask me. Life is too short and it would be dumb not to laugh at these things. I laugh at everything, as I said I prefer someone yelling straight to my face "slumdog" or "superior white brain" than some condescending tones :)
If someone is argumentative shrew...INDIAN! lol
ReplyDeleteI live in INDIANa!
The majority of gas station employees are...INDIAN!
Who in the hell reuses aluminum foil and zip-lock bags? Oh wait, INDIANS do! lol
Good call about "Argumentative shrew". See, in case if anyone have doubts I have one long thread right here in this post.
DeleteIn reality Indian men are "wife beaters" and Indian women are "punchbags".
But I more of a "Kali"(more like angry-goddess of destruction) than a "Sita"(punchbag goddess who burnt herself to prove her chastity)
Gas station employees - yes, watch out there may be water mixed in your gasoline.
yep, I have seen in my own eyes and even my mom recommended me once to reuse ziplock bag and that aluminum tray thing you use in oven for cooking?
Haha - I reeeeally love that video. Glad I was able to spread the love.
ReplyDeleteI don't understand the coke in the water bottle thing either. Not one little bit ;)
Yep, the world appreciates your service Lady Estrogen.
DeleteCoke in water bottle - yeah ;) I dont understand either :)
hahahahahaha That's great!! I love how you are light hearted enough to make fun of your own culture ;)
ReplyDeleteThank you. you cant deny that these arent funny, It makes me laugh, I dont think anyone should take umbrage at funny things :)
DeletePFFFFT, screw it if any other Indians try to defend this. Y'know, there's a hardcore, close-knit Indian (mostly Punjabi) community here in Bellingham, and lemme tell ya that two-thirds of this list I've seen or experienced. Even the "Americanized" younger crowd, some of this stuff still happens. :D
ReplyDeleteMeh, I just shrug when it does, y'know? Learning other cultures is what life's about, and some of it can be funny.
The staring though, I've gotten up in a dude's face about that only to find out that he had a neurological issue. :3 It actually ended up bein' pretty cool, we still talk and chill and have a good time every now and again.
They do get offended easily, but it is their problem :)
DeleteNeurological issue? haahahahahaha.. This is after you threw the punch or even before that? ;-)
Yeah, I get the vegetarian question a lot at the fast food place I work at. That and "No bacon".
ReplyDeleteYeah, sometimes I have seen some Indians annoying the chef and waiter - asking them to change gloves and asking them to use different knife all such - I would love to yell in their ear
Delete"GO BACK HOME AND GRAZE YOUR LAWN GRASS"
"GO BACK TO INDIA "
I could never work as a waitress for the very same reason. :(
ah, I always ask if the food is vegetarian and I love me some Asian cars, I must be an Indian! Although a strange one, since I cannot possible stand Indian food and spices.
ReplyDeleteI would like to ask, but I wouldnt ask. I wouldnt want to offend anyone, that is one other reason why I stay hungry and with empty tummy most of the times.
DeleteToyota and Honda are longrunning , steady and awesome cars. Come on - have you seen Chrysler and the rest od detroit made ones? it is like Aluminium and rubber ,plastic , no thanks :)
ah, in my country we even drive Daewoo and Hyundai :))
DeleteHa ha! Brilliant! Why did my neighbours not invite me to their son's wedding then? I feel slighted. I've lived next door but 2 for 5 years! And they had a white steed, and marching bands and threw money at people (I lined the street for that bit!) and beautiful Indian girls dresses in gold, shimmery floaty material. HUH!
ReplyDeleteMight be the conspiracy plot by the unmarried Indian gals in the wedding, they wouldnt want a white girl rocking the sari and bindi or even a wonderful cocktail dress and stealing the show.
DeleteI love white gals in sari and jewelery , especially the redcolor , the look so gorgeous :)
Being Indian is being jealous as well :)
haha :d
ReplyDeletebriliant
http://mymilktoof.blogspot.com/
foto-move.blogspot.com
ReplyDeletehaha :D
i just tell by there skin color....yep. its that simple.
ReplyDelete:)
DeleteYou can tell, but the answer maynt be right.
Dont go and ask a brown woman whether she would burn with her hubby's corpse alive - she may reply back in vulgar language in Spanish or in Arabic :)
I think siri's are sexy
ReplyDeleteSIQ POST BRO
ReplyDeletelike the me you speak the no english?
DeleteAre you third cousin of "Come at me bro"? I see this same comment in every blog. Good luck bro :) Troll on roll?
Dear God this is so true. So true, I'm laughing right now.
ReplyDeleteAND I have to follow you because your blog is amazing. Just saying.
DeleteThanks Zeebs. You have made my day :)
DeleteWell, I am not Indian, but I have been told a few of these.
ReplyDeleteOnce, someone said," Oh my god, you look Indian. I am sorry, I didn't mean to offend you."
And,"You are pretty. You don't even look Mexican."
Everything you listed could apply to my people. My uncle's cupboards were filled with yogurt cups that he used as actual cups. When I was little, I thought he was cheap, but now, as an adult, I think that's very smart.
You are too pretty to be an Indian Nellie
DeletePeople first ask me where I am from first, then they say , "you look pretty" maybe I should get offended? If I wasn't an Indian, then they might have called me ugly. Up yogurt cups one of my friends told me that she is saving environment by reusing this.
I was thinking to myself yeah by growing bacterial too you are raising and saving lives.
so is it aquafina bottles only?
ReplyDeleteIf you see anything in any bottle other than what it label reads, lock the answer and scream aloud "Indian"
DeleteThis was so, so, so good! And that video was hilarious.
ReplyDeleteDamn, I love my Toyota car too damn much!
Yeah, I couldn't stop laughing after watching the video, it was so funny, " what is fair and lovely?" " you are lucky you don't have to tan" , "you have buldged body yet you look good in Sari". ;)
Deletehaha. I love this type of post. In a few centuries we'll all be one Human civilization (like Star Trek) speaking one universal language and even kind of looking the same. Cool little stuff like this won't exist so I say, embrace it now!
ReplyDeleteYep, good point. And everyone would be like Obama have trace history atleast to 10 races . It would be kind of kool, the n word, s word, slum dig, Jew shall no longer be discriminating words.
Deletelol great post although a lot of these could apply to me especially the vegetarian and driving ones...I love a bit of stereotyping :)
ReplyDeleteHaha. Made in Detroit ones are worse than china lead toys, give me Toyota and honda any day.
DeleteNo offense meant, but I hate to host dinners for vegetarians, and especially Indian vegetarians they won't even like to sit in same table which may have nn-veg served.
I need to use separate dishes to cook and serve vegetarian, such a pain. And vegetarian I maybe need to do 10 dishes if it is non-veg, it is quite easy.
Are you vegan , organovegetarian?
Haha, I especially liked the coke in Aquafina bottles, though in my case, it used to be a half-pint of JD added to our coke bottles, while walking around pretty much anywhere. Good list!
ReplyDelete