50 shades of Grey - Book review

50 shades of Grey - Book review
Couldnt resist the popular demand and command, I finally bought the book and I did manage to read till the end.
No, I heard your question, no, I didnt have orgasms reading the book, I threw up couple of times, does that help?
Thanks no thanks, I dont want to read rest of the trilogy series.



I had to buy this book because of B&B's review for two reasons.

http://www.abeerfortheshower.com/2012/06/fifty-shades-of-terrible.html

• When men post a picture with title "eyecandy for ladies" the picture sure is to have a shirtless hairy moustached aged baldy man with a potbelly to boot.
• No review from straight men about "Sex and the City" shall have anything good to say.

hmmm, if I need to give a short review in couple of lines - 1. "50 shades of Grey - horrific vivid non-graphic porn in black and white for loser ladies"
2. Diary of virgin "Bridget Jones" about her contract with American psycho "Patrick Bateman"
3. Mediocre Mills and Boon (M&B) novel in general fiction section instead of erotica section.
4. Playboy for woman in short trilogy series



Ana Steele



Christian Grey


This book should have carried a warning label, something like for external use only, DONT TRY GREY THINGS AT HOME UNLESS YOU WANT A DIVORCE.

As a feminist, I am with book's success and still proves my point. 1. Men can see only 16 colors or 16 bitmap but woman can see 50 shades of grey.
2. Men need graphic porn with classic "someone ordered a pizza" whereas women need written literature which would help them visualise and build their imagination and their fantasy.
3. Men need big boobs, thin waist and right shade of tan to F@##$, and there is no need to even know the woman's name.
And women want even their billionaire men to rush to their bed and hug and kiss them for every meltdown of theirs.
4. In a way it kinda helped woman and increased their confidence, they no longer need to feel ashamed about their fantasies.

And I vote for new term to be coined "SLAVEBATION" or "LADYBATION" or "ANABATION" as a term for woman masturbation.



Chemistry equation of man and woman:
1 to N woman are studs and 1 to M man sluts equation has a additional variable now or a additional result. Makes me happy.
1 man , n women => STUD
1 woman , n men => SLUT (archaic)
1 teenage virgin man,1 Closed-for-business woman => not JAMES BOND but BILLIONAIRE GREY
1 aged virgin woman, 1 out-of-the-world hot guy => BESTSELLER

The new punks or new hot chicks:-I cant deny that I am thankful to these authors - "Twilight" Stephanie Meyer and "50 shades" E.L.James, they managed to change the "most wanted girl" stereotype of girls. They managed to change the face of hot chicks - plain boring heavy loser virgins with muffintops.
-Not just looser guys go for mailorder brides but billionaire and never-aging vampires do go for plain chicks for they are subservient. One more score FOR BOYCOTT-AMERICAN-WOMAN brigade?

"R-rated Disney"
After reading reviews about J.K.Rowling's adult fiction, I cant imagine if E.L.James tried the other side - "50 shades for Kids".
"How I wet your mother?"
If her heroine and hero of novel got married, what would they tell their kids about their love story?
"I was contractually bound to your dad?", "All post-teenage rapes were consensual?"

Useful tips to use this book:

- Include this in school curriculum and ask the parents to act out Christian and Anna part, teenpregnancy shall go as POLIO in American history.

- If grown up kid of yours isnt moving out of your basement, roam around your house with this book in hand

- Men who dont want to have kids should read this book (efficient contraceptive -Vatican roulette for men)

- Replace tasers and rape whistles with below.

•  bite your lips
•  say "I am Ana" or "I am Christian" or "You look hot like Mrs.Robinson" loud

  

50 shades trilogy theme park:
- Petting zoo of naked Madam Tussuad's statues of Chris Hemsworth, Brad Pitt, Christian Bale and handsome hunks
- Avoid when you are in heat
- Riders should be 40 or older
- Not suitable for people who doesnt want to take celibacy oath for life
- official costume available in all S&M stores
- every ride shall have lotion and tissues in the entrance
- Ride names : Boner rides, Vertical limit, Horizontal limit, Patrick Bateman, Hot liquid
- Free coupons for orgies
- Cougar rides shall have Christian Grey costume or 007 costume?
- Ads shall have "someone had been to 50 shades recently" if they ...

Moral of the story:1. Stripper named Grey knocks your door? Dont open the door.
2. If you had lost your virginity to a married woman in her 40s your life is ...
3. If you are a guy with a plain boring chick, feel proud it means that you are the DOMINANT aka alphamale in S&M games.

Doing the rite thing and Doing the right thing - Indian English

This phrase is true and cent percent correct to the dot. Indian lifestyle is based on rite and rituals and religious doctrines and dogma.
Dont be scared. I guess you all ie this blog's readership is already exposed to this terrible Indian English which I am going to post today. I had been guilty of this for longtime. (Raw lie - I am still guilty ;-) )

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Indian_English#Vocabulary_and_colloquialisms
Anyway, I didnt know for long time that these words werent exactly English but only Indian English, yes "we are like this only" English.

eg. damn, prepone, duly, revert back, heights, first of all, thinking too much about himself, sidedish, topper, common man, pindrop silence, ragging, eve teasing, mostly, out of station, break-up
I thought that the below ones invited mockery
wheatish, sleeping is coming, ok ok,

Damn - in Indian english, this is used as a positive intensifier , more like an adjective not as an expletive.
break-up - breakdown 

Mama, Machan, Mapillai:Dude
Root : Mama - is elder sister's husband and Machan is wife's brother and Mapillai is bridegroom.
All Indians are our brothers and sisters , one Indian brother is always connected to another Indian brother by his sister.
Small house/petromax/keep/stepney:
Big house - Wife, Small house - Concubine
Stepney:Spare tyre.

Loose motion:

Diarrea

bumwasher:
Laxative
out house:Guest house
house owner:
Landlord
Home ministry:Wife
Logonathan:
ABCD
US return ie Desi returning to India from US.
AIR- All India Radio:Kiss and Tell or Gossip
Talk slowly:
speak softly
Abbo/Ayyo/Aiyya:Alas
Doordarshan:
Free-to-Air
All reals, be serious:Showtime, get to business.
Soup boys:
Recently dumped guy
Plaza:Mall
Pye dog:
Uncouth fellow
Tiffin box:Lunch box
Digging for gold:
Noting related to gold digger but means picking your nose
shame shame puppy shame:Just like Liar, liar, pants on fire.
Tumbler:
Glass

gone case:Hopeless, unsalvageable
would-be:
Fiancee/Fiance
Settled:Married
Well settled:
Affluent
Funda:Someone's idea or ideals or beliefs
Fundu:
Expert, Ace
Lumpen elements:Hooligans,
Carrying:
Pregnant
Sunday is longer than monday/ Your Rajesh Khanna is showing/ :Fashion faux-pau, wardrobe malfuntion
Hero honda/ Peter/ :
Indian yuppie.
Cooling glasses:Not to be mistaken for seethrough coolers or anything, cooling glasses are just sunglasses.
Jool/Sighting/Skipping:
Going for the view
Military meals:Non-vegetarian meals and booze
Gunpowder:
Hot Chutney powder,
Touchings:Sidedish
Cent percent:
Done. perfect. 100% percentage or complete or done.
Basin bath:Freshen up.
cum:Slash(/)
Root: I guess it is from comma but still cant understand the usuage. Sofa cum be
Porambokku:
cracker, a nobody,
Root: Lord Pembroke,  stated that land belonging to no one would belong to the government. There on, any fallow land or unoccupied land
STD:Standard Trunk Dialling
If you hear, I made STD call to Delhi, it doesnt mean that he sexually transmitted disease
pin-to-pin:Alpha to Omega
hanky:Tissue, handkerchief
Wren and Martin:
Grammar-Nazi
Pistha:show-off , thinking too much about himself ;-)
Choo mantar:
Abracadabra
Indrajal/Amar Chitra/:Indian version of marvel comics. Or washed up or rejected comics from west.
Meter:
Courage,
cycle gap:for an indigenous brand of opportunism seen all over India where people see a little sliver of hope and are able to convert it into pure jadoo
Bum a fag:
mooch a cigaratte
Show face:Skipping the entire meeting
harrow:
Nagg, annoy
Tubelight:Late bloomer
Mental/ nut case/ Basket case:
Retarded guy or insane guy
Belt:
junk, fast food, or easy grab
Common man:redneck
Club:
mix together
Where to where :
 Rag to riches
Hands-up:A request for volunteers
(raising your hands)
PJs:
Not pajamas but poor joke.
Ice pice/ Ice boys:Eye spies game
New pinch/Same pinch:
Instead of cheers where you toast your glasses if someone wears something new, they shall be pinched.
Chalkpiss:Chalk, chalk-piece
Air not coming:
Sultry
Would you like to add anything you know maynt be exactly Indian English but something similar to this?

Indians - Unimpressive race, awful people



I love trolls , not those "I follow you, now you follow me crowd" but angry trolls and derailers. They sure spice up the blog. This recent hothead aka hypocrite aka jjones left some comments - pretty interesting ones.

http://meandmythinkingcap.blogspot.com/2012/05/indian-stereotype.html

When you statcounter gives rating 1-5 search result rating for any post of yours, it is "code red" That sure is to invite some angry chap to stir the pot.

"Indians are unimpressive race"

"Awful people"

"Our ancestors are not going to thank us for giving away our countries to these awful people"

 Anyway, I am more like cat on the wall, or more like the bat - Indian birds dont take me for an Indian anymore and Americans birds dont take me for an American either.

I dont refute what this chap has said, anyway I am not defending, I am just thinking aloud.

Indians - Huge COMMITMENT issues

Asians in general are more commited, more loyal - I had read in some manual for cross-culture training.

All these temp workers are backpackers, sacrifical lambs in the industry. Trust goes both ways.

No company commits to them and so they cant commit either. A citizen can just quit any day and the competition isnt stiff, they can find a job easily day next . It isnt the same case for a temp worker, he may be better qualified and maybe, maybe more talented as well, yet he cant find a job right way. And they dont get severance package or anything, they have to pay more tax without benefits. They may need to pay SSN tax but maynt qualify for benefits from that. And if they are asked to leave, even cellular companies arent kind to them, neither the house leasing companies.

And one other thing, Indians totally lack assertive skills, they cant NO, even if someone manages to say NO, the other Indian will make sure he pays for that. So, they usually get into trouble after saying YES to aggressive schedules and promise impractical targets and get into trouble later.

More like, difference between a storyteller and a liar.

Indians - Responsibility, runaway during problems

They have this huge skill in beating the dead horse, when there is any problem they first work on finding the scapegoat instead of fixing the problem, so everyone shall be pointing fingers at each other.

While the customers or clients shall focus more on finding the solution or on fixing the problem first then they work on this rootcause analysis and lesson learned report.

And Indians are in general arent exactly known for their responsibility, blame the tight parenting, tiger-parenting and trust issues. Hope this changes for better soon.

Indians - NO RISK TAKERs
Hey,

Ok, let us dump couple of dolphins in a kiddie swimmingpool with countable number of fishes. Dolphins wont be taking risk or doing flips or would try to do anything, survival becomes the priority. Billion people in a country of 1/3 size of America?
I remember reading about some cases like growing weed, killing some folks, lying in resume and fraud and everyone was trying to justify their crime with one reason - RECESSION in ECONOMY and unemployment rate.
My dad- proud Indian used to say that for a country that small, being self sufficient on food is a thing to consider, I maynt agree with him.

Europeans in around late teen centuries had this same problem, small land, lot of people and lack of resources. To overcome all those issues or to spread Christianity they made voyage to different continents and disseminated their blue-eyed blonde hair race.

China and India didnt have that problem, they were rich, resourceful, had favorable climate all around the year so they didnt migrate, now they have to, but continents are already populated, maybe we need to try moon and mars now, we are running out of space.

Indians - RAISE FALSE ALARM on RACISM for no reasonI may have to disagree with this maynt be completely. Indians have much more unfavorable living condition in India and they are discriminated more in India than in any other Christmas land. I dont think anyone would cry racism unless they are sure.
Even in US, cases involving Indians arent given attention as much as if it were non-Indians. I dont need to quote examples, you cant count the sand in beach.
To share my experience, I have faced this racism attack not from whites but from african-americans and latinos and fellow Indian. Irony?

Reminds me of Bart Simpson's dialogue to boy Lisa (Girls want to have sums) , "Pick up a kid weaker than you and beat him up"

Indians - Ingratiation mantra

I agree. I hope this changes for the better. Again it is NOT only Indian thing, havent you seen folks trying to justify every wrongdoing if the wrongdoer is "one of their own"?
Hey, saying and screaming aloud, "I love white people is one thing, but I hate black people" is another. Same with "I love family based on bible definition" and "I hate homosexuals and their lifestyle".

Hypocrisy definition:

 

"The UK, Australia, Canada, Scandanavia, some of the Near East countries have allowed immigration from India, then allowed families to join families, then, these people changed the culture of the countrires. "

- Wow, really, what happened to the Injuns, aboriginals and all those wiped out races? And someone is giving me "changed culture" argument. Really?

- If there was no America, what would have happened to all those Ellis Island immigrants?


"Our ancestors are not going to thank us for giving away our countries to these awful people"
- I would really want Squanto and his tribe to be brought back to life to answer this statement.

What do you want to do to these awful people who have agenda to change your culture? Parade them , board them in trains, and gas them?

Reject them rights and discriminate them? Isnt against constitution? These hatemongers want to do the same what they accuse these people of..

Onsite opportunity - Book review

Onsite opportunity is a book by Indian author Mukul Kumar.


This book isnt everyone cup of tea. Any software engineer who would have made an work related trip to different country can totally relate to this book. Though I hadnt been to any country  other than US, I could enjoy the book.  I could relate to the experiences narrated by the author.

The character Ganga, starts his career as a software engineer in an Indian company and then travels to Thailand, Singapore, England, Australia (yep, no USA :( ) on assignments and shares his experience and narrates the culture shock/experiences in those countries.

Indian authors:
My general observation with Indian authors - either they  are too patriotic and try to justify every wrongdoing or they are too negative or they tend to alienate themselves from their native crowd they grew up with and use the condescending tone on fellow Indians or they tend to blame the British for everything or take swing at other religion or region, at the least patronize the counterpart North/South India and it's culture, language etc.,.

But, I got to appreciate this book's author for maintaining that balance throughout the book, though the tone of the book kinda mimics Alchemist, ie trying to justify and giving reasons or the preaching tone, it worked for Alchemist but not for this one.

I would have preferred if the author stopped with narrating the experiences and excused the reasoning and teaching/preaching part. If readers were given that option to figure out for themselves it would have been better.

Indian quirkiness:
Author managed to cover most of the cultural quirkiness in this book.
Right from toilet paper, hygiene, friendly good mornings, heartwarming greetings , general tolerance,  take-it-easy lifestyle of westerners, hatemongers, unruly teenagers, racism, false racism cry, suppression, oppression etc., Quirks and quirkiness in both worklife and personal life.

I liked the term "software gypsy" :)
And loved the parts where he brought these Porn-addict-Indians aka virgin-virginity-warriors aka Indian-closet-hypocrites to light.

Bribery and corruption:
I totally agree with Ganga. In USA and other developed countries it is an option for you to go for disciplined chosen life. You may choose to follow NEVER-LIE, NEVER-CHEAT, NEVER-BRIBE life, you have an option to lead your life that way. In India, you cant, you simply cant.
If Western countries reward honesty, Asian countries punish you and torture you. You have to be an Indian/Asian to understand that.
And I liked the part where author tried to reason this "Indian CANT SAY NO thing". Whether you know or not, it is unacceptable for an Indian to say NO, Indians consider it as very rude gesture over lying.

Vegetarianism and Teetotalism:
This is one other general not so likable chip some Indians carry. If it could annoy a fellow Indian like me, I cant understand people's frustration when they arent aware of this culture quirkiness. Not just "you-are-horrible" looks, a non-vegetarian, a social drinker can immediately be put to shame, and painted with guilt brush by these so called "pure" "holier than thou" vegetarian, teetotaller crowd.

When someone preaches you about how you would land in hell for eating fish and chicken, you wouldnt mind to become a cannibal. I have thought about it.

And this Indian veganism is actually funny. Hindu religion doesnt prohibit eating meat and no one knows for sure when this no-meat practice came into practice.
Some pure vegetarians eat fish and call it as "river vegetable".
Some vegetarians refrain from eating garlic, potato, radish, carrots, ginger - all veggies that grow underground for religious reasons but hog on cheese(paneer), milk, yogurt butter and ghee. Paradox?

I had been victim of this "use separate utensils","dont cook meat in this home","buy separate refrigerator for meat","good lord, you cooked meat on friday","you brought non-veg  to school" and all such preaching. And the marathon tirade about non-vegetarians during treat that could follow for centuries?

Some Indian vegetarians and teetotallers can put gay-hating-preacher Mormons  and "have you taken Jesus as your lord" crowd to shame with their preaching. These morons doesnt know the meaning of "tolerance"

hey - if you cant eat meat or drink it is fine, if you cant tolerate other people eating meat or drinking alcohol, stay in your own home or your own home country, dont come here or dont come out and preach the rest.

Indian managers:
I have had the same managers Ganga has in this book. I had this manager who cant speak proper English, cant say a sentence without a lie. He is pretty much challenged in technical skills and behavioural skills. And his every fifth or sixth sentence would be "I am the manager" in authoritative tone but he would literally pee in his pants out of fear whenever he see his wife. It would be fun to watch him shiver and tremble in front of his wife, I dont know why she scared him so much.

Funny moments? Not funny?
There are some laughable moments in this book but author missed the opportunity to make it a fun read. The preaching tone kinda kills it.
eg.
"lady boys" Thailand experience, "AC isnt cooling" - Indian English, "paisa vasul"- Indian freeloading and the Indian insecure bosses and Indian grown up juvenile snitches.

I will put an post about this Indian English later, I couldnt prepone because sleeping is coming now and morning morning I will try to do that  :)

Romantic? Not romantic?
I wouldnt say that the book is little sexist, but I dont understand why author decided to be little hostile or little judgemental towards the fairer sex.
Usually some Indians who might have had bad experience with one or two Indian women kinda label Indian women in general and praise the non-Indian crowd. More like reverse of this BOYCOTT AMERICAN WOMEN crowd.
If only the human race could be labelled so easily in binaries and absolutes - either 1's-GOOD or 0's-BAD.

I can totally relate to "Manjari" character - I have seen many Indian girls doing that . They kinda lead men, even the ones that arent interested in them and pursue courtship with them and once the guy gets interest in them, they start to play this "arranged marriage","horoscope","culture,tradition ","already have a NRI fiance","you are just my friend" card.
They kinda love to play that "I am innocent traditional girl, he mistook me" victim card. They love to brag about the guy's love interest or proposal. I never understood why they have do that. I could blame Indian movies though. And if the guy attempts suicide as shown in movies, another colorful feather to the cap. Grow up gals.
Indian education system should include this courtship lessons and Indian movie trend needs a makeover.

MORAL OF THE STORY:
Any person who makes an onsite trip for first time should read this book.
Companies who have plans to outsource may include this book in their cross-culture training sessions.
This author sounds to me more like a one-time hit author, dont know whether he has more tricks under his sleeve, but this book is good and is sure worth a hit especially with the  IT crowd.

The story of a lost/stolen phone and craigslist

I am here still here.
Hi All, thanks a lot for all your mails and comments. Sorry for going AWOL.
Things arent going smooth at work, home and personally. Nothing that any normal person cant handle.

T-mobile, me and craigslist:
Anyway, it started off with loss of my mobile. While riding back in bike from my kid's karate class to home, I either lost my mobile or someone stole it, I dont know. I had HTC radar windows mango phone and a while before losing my phone I accidently once dropped the phone and screen got a little crack and little scratch around the corners.

After losing the phone, I immediately filed a report in both police stations. And I was hitting refresh on craigslist every minute. Guess what? The thief put an ad in craigslist with the picture of my cracked phone with 150$ price tag. Locked phone, broken phone, with scratches, without box, forget that, WINDOWS phone, I am a Microsoft moron, so I went for windows, who else on earth would go for windows phone?

I called the local cops and went to station around 10.30pm and told them and showed them the ad and the pictures. I carried my original box that came with the phone I bought from Microsoft store and shared the details of the phone. They asked me to wait and after a while came back and said that they spoke to the guy.

COPs and Me: Part 1

COP: We spoke to him, he had already sold the phone. And he says that it is his phone. He is not co-operating. We called from unlisted number saying we are interested in buying that phone. And then we called again and said we are cops, and he questioned on how the number comes up as unlisted and hence we cant be cops. He wasnt giving any details.
Me : You called him at 11 pm and said that you are looking for phone for sale? And he said he had sold the cracked phone already and he isnt co-operating?
COP: Yep, you say this is your phone but he says it is his. The phone doesnt have picture of IMEI or serial number so there is no proof that this is your phone.
Me: Ask him to bring the phone or give details of the guy to whom he sold it to, if the IMEI is different from my box here, then, there is your proof.
Imei – 358209040306248
s/n ht1amvr04602
p/n 99hph013-00
COP: He has no record, he could have taken your phone and sold it for cash, he isnt breaking law, unethical? yes, but - breaking law - NO.
Me: He is selling a stolen property. I called T-mobile, they said they cant help and told me that they cant deactivate or disable the phone either. And asked me to buy new phone at full price and renew my contract.

Yeah, right, why would I do that after this stunt? T-mobile used to be my favorite mobile , but after their failed merger deal, they are the WORST.

COP: That is T-mobile for you, try verizon, they are good.
Me: Verizon is CDMA, I am a GSM person, I am a Microsoft person. And I was about to install that app in my phone to do that annoying ring and remote wipe and tracking thing. My hubby had already installed it his phone.
COP: But you couldnt even protect your phone with a password.
Me: Touche. and you win.

The conversation that went on with cops was nothing like they show in CSI or Law & Order or any show. Maybe they show different breed of cops.

COPs and ME: Part 2
And after coming back, I had to change my accounts and passwords and again, I didnt remember for many of those. And I left one of my blogger gmail accounts open on purpose, because see - gmail gives you entry of IP address for last 10 logins.

I was waiting with my fingers crossed to check when this guy is going to connect to my phone. And this guy had started to use my phone - till day he is just connecting to WI-FI with my smartphone.
First was he connected from Wisconsin and then on Sunday from Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Trust me, I got the same doubt after watching Sikh temple shooting news report. Can you spell PARANOIA, call me, I can act out the whole episode for you.
Then on Monday, he had come back to Illinois and till day he is connected and using my phone from his home and from this ip.

Then I went back to cops give the ip details and said can they atleast get the ip details and get my phone back. Guess what,
the cops said they cant do anything and pulled out the report and called that guy and said that they have ip details on the phone and asked him whether he knew anything. Then the cop told me, he is not co-operating and we cant do anything about it. You may need to contact comcast and ask the details. Dont ask me about how I had to explain IP and all other details.

I asked him whether comcast would be willing to share the details to a civilian, he said they should. And told me that I should move on, because people loose things to fire. I replied back, loosing to fire is something, but a thief who dares to lie to a cop carrying pictures of babies and my home and friends, scares me a lot. I should stop investigating things myself.

I told him that I came to cops without contacting the thief myself because I wasnt sure whether he is a normal guy or sociopath and that I was just a working mom and not a trained cop. He said that he isnt CSI or the cop they show in TV shows.

I called comcast and they said that they cant do anything without court order.

Craigslist 2:
Guess what, he fixed the screen and then posted again with different id and number and he is selling locked phone for 210 dollars.

Carlos Orlando - the guy who stole my mobile phone, you are THE dumbest and THE luckiest guy in this whole wide world. Good luck with my broken phone. I can now only curse you aloud and wish that all snakes from India take over your home. Watch Justin Bieber videos and enjoy Adam Sandler movies.

MORAL OF THE STORY:
1. T-mobile stores should carry a headstone, leave flowers in front of that store.
2. You can kill a harmless teenage black kid or an teenage autistic kid you for breakfast and can walk free and have lunch at home.
3. You can steal and sell, it is perfectly legal but try to turn ON your camera in your shared room, you may go to jail for 10 years but if you steal the pictures from Harvard and rate the students, you could become a billionaire.

AMERICA - Land of the free and home of the brave.

But, this doesnt make India any better, first I couldnt have gone to cops, there is no guarantee for my anything and I should have bribed them my fortune to get same answer or much more insulting answer. The Indian cops would have to be enrolled in my regular Diwali, Pongal, New year, Christmas, Ramzan expensive gift receiver's list maybe for another 20 years.

And till today I am still working out details and my hubby is browsing PORN sites just to ensure that my photoshopped pictures dont pop up. ;-) And I am browsing magic mike sites and male stripper and escort sites just to ensure that my hubby doesnt show up nude ;-)

And if you are receiving some dutch porn from my mail, you know whom to blame,
1. T-mobile
2. Law and Order.
and definitely not me. What would you do if this had happened to you? Any ideas?

Arranged marriage and Divorce rate in India

You might have heard this "India has lowest divorce rate" a lot, a lot. In India, marriage is thought to be for life, and the divorce rate is extremely low.
Does that mean that Indian marriages are successful? The honest answer is no, nada, nicht.

Marriage shall be a success, only if the parties involved are happy, shouldnt be based on societal pressure, family pressure.
Parties should be couple, and the byproduct of their relationship the kids, there is no point in calling it as a success if any of these isnt happy.
Indian arranged marriages - marriage between 1000 social entities instead of two souls.

In-laws doesnt need to love the couple, friends doesnt need to love the couple, the society doesnt need to love the couple, the church doesnt need to love the couple to call it a success, the couple need to love each other.

In west,
Divorce rate is inversely proportional to marriage success rate.

Higher divorce rate maybe a bad thing, but you have only one life and you cant sacrifice your happiness and life you deserve to something in black and white.

In east,
Divorce rate is inversely proportional to women suppression.

Higher divorce rate is actually a thing to be welcomed in India because it translates to more freedom and more liberation - more empowerment for women.

Indian Arranged marriage:
Marriage is the debt every kid owes to their Indian parents and procreation is compound interest for the debt they owe to parents.
Marriage is not a choice and partner isnt a choice either.
Many people do the mistake of linking arranged marriage to dating in the west. No, dating and arranged marriage arent same.

Parents dont allow the couple to date unless they are engaged and their marriage date is fixed. That is not courtship or dating, that is visiting your future spouse in front of vigilante. And there is no option of calling it off by the couple, only parents hold the rights, could be pennyshort in dowry or wrong color chosen for the father-in-law or missing pearl in mother-in-law's gift.

Dating: You date a person and you marry that person.

You create your profile, you choose your partner or prospect based on height, weight, compatibility, interests and hobbies and your choose based on what you need and what would make you happy.
You date for a while and if it works out, you declare yourself as a couple after a while in papers and go on and if it turns sour you try to work it out, and if it fails, you separate in a very civilised manner.


Arranged marriage: A family rates you and you are married to that family.

Your parents create your profile or type your biodata and circulate the same, and partner is chosen based on caste, religion, horoscope, family background, profession of parents and assests parents own.
And agreeable terms right from dowry, who gets what after parent's demise, and what is expected from the bride, some cultures shall conduct the bride interview and rate her based on the way she walks, sing, and dance, and play instrument and hair texture, skin tone and all such. The bridegroom maynt have a say in that.

It is pathetic and humiliating and especially to the to-be-bride.

And non-virgin brides and divorcees and widows are total outcasts, they cant even have traditional wedding, forget that they shall not be allowed to attend any traditional wedding. But this isnt applicable to the men - widowers or divorced men or even diseased men - herpes infected men arent quarantined.

True story :
Mine is a love marriage yet my father-in-law asked my parents to plan for wedding in the month of June, because he wanted our kids to be born around school year so that no intermediate month is wasted. Did I blew you away?
For a while he used to dictate via phone the menu for the whole week I need to cook. And around thursday he would send me mail with plans and schedule for me to follow for the following weekend. No, I wasnt born in 40s, 50s, 60s or 70s.
Let me stop here, or else my kids may never even get a date for being born to Indian parents. No, I dont have stash in my basement or menu box instead of recipe box for my future daughters-in-law :)

Taboo with divorce :
I would like to sugarcoat and say the parties stay together because they have high moral standards or they are committed or they stay together for the kids. But I would be lying. Based on several incidents I had seen and had to endure, I can honestly say that is the mask used to inject and infect with guilt.

Divorce could be due to anything, yet it would normally be seen as failure on the parent part (ie in-laws), so no parent would encourage that, instead they would want their kids to endure the pain and suffering. They would force them to stay together. And many couple stay together and dont break their marriage instead their spew their hatred and frustration on their kids and gossip and hate people.

First, divorcees are looked down upon, grass widows are spewed with more hatred than widows. Any widow (grass widow or widow) trying to get on with life and looking for another partner is seen and labelled as a amorist.
Sorry for the blunt usuage of words but that is the raw truth.

And all the more, kids of divorced parents become unsellable in marriage trade too. Not just kids, even the siblings.

So, just like the pressure from all sides to marry the chosen partner, the same forces shall put same pressure on the then married couple to stay together even if they cant stand each other.


Men in arranged marriage:
Men arent given complete free ticket either. Divorced men, widower may have little trouble settling for a woman without a compromise.
Indian Men - the chief commodity in the marriage trade. One other reason why Indian men dont go for creative jobs and they arent allowed to pursue what interests them. They become unsellable in the trade.
A musician or an athlete maynt be allowed to pursue his career in those fields, because in case he doesnt become a cricket player - the only successful profession for athletes in India, or a movie music composer, there is no future and the parents maynt be able to find a partner for them.
And even scientists, no scope for them, finding prospects for them is a huge deal. An ISRO scientist looses his in auction with doctors and engineers.


MORAL OF THE STORY:

1. Non-divorced Indian marriages arent happily ever after.
2. Divorce is not failure of marriage same way non-divorce isnt success either.

Marrying a log handpicked by parents and to feel proud your manhood by axeing the log? Tying a knot on the punchbag and claiming your adulthood by punching that often?
Marrying a virgin muted cindrella babymaker who cant spell isnt a challenge and that isnt life.

Letting your parents pick your partner? Do you think with your ...?

Your silver, golden, diamond jubilee is a thing of shame. Celebrating your victory as wifebeater and childabuser? Instead of being disgusted, how do you celebrate the suppression and abuse?
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Marrying a woman who can think,
who believes in herself,
who enjoys your companionship,
who can earn her own bread,
is the real challenge and a thing to be proud about. Having life and babies with her completes life.

Sharing and caring responsibility is the attractive thing in a man.

She might have seen many men, yet she chose you and decided to spend her life with you, because you are worth it.

Your silver, golden, diamond jubilee is worth celebrating and deserves a medal for being a good husband, or good father.

Arachne and Chenkannan - Spiderwoman and Spiderman

Greek mythology: Story starts off with a woman and her next life as Spider
Arachne: Wild-eyed* mortal
Mortal woman with excellent weaving and embroidery skills.

Athena: Green-eyed* goddess
The greek goddess of wisdom and skill and elegance
Duel between the mortal and the goddess:
She boasted too loud about her skills as a weaver. She once even boasted that she is better than Athena.
Annoyed by her arrogance, Athena called out a duel and both wove.

Athena's work had God Poseidon and mortals as inferior beings to teach Arachne her place.
Arachne's work had the flaws of gods - illegitimate dirty playboy conquests of Zeus.

Spider-after-woman:
This insult and mockery angered Athena and she struck the work with her shuttle and tore it into pieces. And she touched Arachne's head and injected guilt and shame. Which made the mortal woman hung herself on a rope.

Curse:
To teach other mortals a lesson, Athena turned her into a spider. Till today the species Arachnida continues to hang on a thread and keeps weaving constantly and endlessly.
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Hindu mythology: Story starts off with a spider and it's next life as a King.
Chenkannan :  Red-eyed king
Chenkannan - Chola King, his name literally means red-eyed king. This king in his previous life was a pious wide-eyed spider.

Spider: Wide-eyed* spider
Spider - ardent devotee of Lord Shiva. Daily it used to spin a web over Lingam (Idol of Shiva) under the Jambu tree to prevent it from getting soiled by falling leaves.
White elephant: open-eyed* elephant
And in same place another devotee of Shiva a white elephant lived too, which felt annoyed by the dirty web and cleaned the place to retain the holiness and adorned the linga with flowers.
Elephant clears the web and does puja and next day spider builds the web over the Linga to protect. This continued for sometime.
Duel between spider and the elephant:
The annoyed spider one day entered into trunk of the elephant and bit it hard, the pain and poison caused the elephant to die. The spider died as well when Elephant fell to death.
Lord Shiva was pleased by service of both the Elephant and the Spider.

Spider-before-man:
Lord Shiva gifted spider it's next life as a King.
Gifted curse:
Chenkannan built a huge temple for Lord Shiva in Thiruvanaikaval but the actual place of worship of Lord Shiva ie sanctum sanctorum would be small and is in basement level in contrast to the entire infrastructure of the temple.
Even in his next life as King he couldnt forget the feud with elephant and had to build the temple to prevent entry of elephants into Shiva's sanctum sanctorum ;-)

*wild-eyed - idealistic and unrealistic
*green-eyed - jealousy
*wide-eyed - childlike
*open-eyed - watchful

MORAL OF THE STORY:

Greek : You can take amour propre out of a mortal, but you cant take jealousy out of a goddess bitch.

Hindu : You can make a king out of a spider, but you cant take the spider out of the king.

Pelops and Chiralan - Sons offered as feast to Gods

Greek mythology:
Pelops:
Son of Tantalus, king of Mt.Sipylus.
Cannibal feast:
To offer Olympians maybe to humiliate them, the dad voluntarily cut his son Pelops into pieces and made his flesh into a stew and served it to gods.
Demeter, who was mourning about her daughter's kidnap by Hdes wasnt thinking and ate the shoulder and the stew. The other gods understood the plot and got angry.
Resurrection:
They brought Pelops back to life with the remains but since his shoulder was digested by Demeter, had to be replaced with ivory.
Gift:
After Pelops' resurrection,he was taken to Olympus, was taught drive the divine chariot.

Hindu mythology:
Sreeralan/Chiralan:
Son of Sirutonda, king of Chola dynasty.
Prelude:
South-Indian puranas insist on importance of panhandling and "guest is god" mantra, in hinduism it is a great sin to deny food to a hungry soul and greater the sin to treat guests with disrespect. And if the beggar is a devotee of Shiva, all the more sinful.

Source

They have thousands of stories to insist this and playful avatar/disguise stories of the gods to test their devotee's devotion. This is one of them.

Cannibal dinner:
Lord Shiva once disguised as Vairavar and visited Sirutonda nayanar and asked for food.
He asked for a 5 year old boy without deformities to be cooked and served.
The parents compiled and happily cooked their son except the head and served their guest - panhandling devotee of Lord Shiva.

Resurrection:
Both started to eat and Vairavar insisted Chirutonda to ask his son to join the dinner. The confused helpless Sirutonda Nayyanar didnt know what to do and not to offend the guest he went out and called for his son, to both parent's surprise their son came running back.
The parents were so happy and rushed to see the guest, the dinner and the guest both had disappeared.
Gift:
The lord Shiva, his wife Parvati and his sons Ganesha and Murugan showed up and blessed the family and took them to their abode in heaven and gave them place to reside there.

MORAL OF THE STORY:
You can accept and comply to the request of a cannibal only if he/she has the ability to resurrect.
Armin Meiwas - german cannibal , that Florida guy -Tyree Lincoln Smith can't bring you back to life, so politely refuse to serve them or to be served and call 911.

My mom, while growing up, she would tell all these stories and read articles from newspapers about black magic which would say that all sacrifices would ask for the first born child. And she would say that a mom's position is justified if she has to sacrifice her kid, because she could pop out any baby anytime before menopause but if she looses her husband she just becomes an outcast. That taught me my place and deep inside that I should never say no to her, till today ;-)

I behaved, I behave and I will behave, mommy. Indian tiger parenting for you all. ;-)

MaMTC in 3D

Thank you Thank you Anne.
The sweetest Anne named one of her figurines MaMTC and did a wonderful job of painting it in shades, now I am one of the gals who is guarding her garden from the felines. Especially the Canadian pringle can menace "The Cat"

My figurine is packing heat and loaded with weapons and yep, new badass sheriff in Anne's garden. I  look like the perfect face Halle Berry the one perfect bilateral symmetry face Halle Berry?

Thank you Anne, that was very sweet of you.

Prometheus and Ganesha - Trickster Robin Hoods

Greek mythology:
Prometheus - Son of titan Iapetus and the nymph Asia.
He made human from clay - mud and water and combined it with wind - entire babyhood skipped and Athena brought it to life by breathing life into clay.
Prometheus made clay Pinocchio :)

Settling of accounts: Mortals and Immortals
In the trick at Mecone, a sacrificial meal marking the "settling of accounts" between mortals and immortals.
Prometheus placed two sacrificial offerings before the Olympian:
-a selection of beef hidden inside an ox's stomach (nourishment hidden inside a displeasing exterior),
- the bull's bones wrapped completely in "glistening fat" (something inedible hidden inside a pleasing exterior).
The obvious selfish Zeus chose the latter and realised that he had been tricked.

Bring back fire to the humankind:
He stole fire back in a giant fennel stalk and gave it back to mankind.
Punishment:
-Settling of accounts - Zeus hid fire from humans
-Bring back fire to the humankind - Pandora, the first woman was sent to live with men.
Eternal punishment :
Chained to rock in Caucasus and his liver is eaten by eagle daily and regenerated by night.

Hindu mythology:
Ganesha - Son of Shiva and Parvati
He was made from sweat, scruff and turmeric paste by his mom and she gave him life - entire babyhood skipped.
Parvathi made scrub Pinnochio :)

Settling the ideal spot for idol: Devas and Asuras (Demigods and Monsters)
"Ranga Vimana" - Lord Vishnu's supreme idol was a gift given to Asura Vibhisana for his backstabbing service offered against his brother Ravana in Ramayana. He was supposed to take the gift to his hometown in SriLanka and wasnt supposed to place it on ground, because if he did so, it could never be lifted off from ground again. So, he flew with the idol to Sri Lanka.


On his way to Lanka he saw Cauvery river and wanted to freshen up. Lord Ganesha disguised himself as a cowherd boy and presented himself in his vicinity. Vibhishana asked him to hold the idol and instructed him to not keep it on the ground till he finished bathing in the river. Lord Ganesha agreed and when Vibhisana dunked into river, Ganesha placed the idol on the ground in right spot. And that become one of the holy places for Lord Vishnu Srirangam. (Similar story exists for Gokarna, same kind of story but with Ravana and Mahabelshwar Temple - Lord Shiva and same trick by same Ganesha)
Punishment:
-When he spoiled Asura Vibhishna's plan, he chased him and hit him on his forehead before he revealed himself.
Eternal punishment:
Every trick of his would end up as good thing for human but instead he would have been punished for that, thus he is a prime god with deformities, he has elephant head, with one tusk and pot belly and is short and stout. He is a evergreen bachelor and a virgin god.

MORAL OF THE STORY:
John Gray's "Woman - you cant live with them, you cant live without them" is so true right?

Greek gods decided to send the first woman Pandora with a box to avenge their vengeance.
Indian gods ripped this guy of his good looks and made him totally repulsive to woman and forever bachelor.

"I have body of a god, but unfortunately Buddha - should actually be Ganesha"

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On side note, I am going on vacation and I maynt be able to catch up with regular posts of yours or comment on those, will check in between, sorry about that.

If you havent watched Prometheus movie yet, watch it, worth the watch. I liked the movie, too many open questions and if I have to predict the future, the sequel is going to be terrible and stupid.

The creator/engineer of human with helmet kinda looks like Lord Ganesha with trunk- proboscis and has of an elephant  just like Ganesh :)