50 shades of Grey - Book review
Couldnt resist the popular demand and command, I finally bought the book and I did manage to read till the end.
No, I heard your question, no, I didnt have orgasms reading the book, I threw up couple of times, does that help?
Thanks no thanks, I dont want to read rest of the trilogy series.
I had to buy this book because of B&B's review for two reasons.
- When men post a picture with title "eyecandy for ladies" the picture sure is to have a shirtless hairy moustached aged baldy man with a potbelly to boot.
- No review from straight men about "Sex and the City" shall have anything good to say.
hmmm, if I need to give a short review in couple of lines - 1. "50 shades of Grey - horrific vivid non-graphic porn in black and white for loser ladies"
2. Diary of virgin "Bridget Jones" about her contract with American psycho "Patrick Bateman"
3. Mediocre Mills and Boon (M&B) novel in general fiction section instead of erotica section.
4. Playboy for woman in short trilogy series
This book should have carried a warning label, something like for external use only, DONT TRY GREY THINGS AT HOME UNLESS YOU WANT A DIVORCE.
As a feminist, I am with book's success and still proves my point. 1. Men can see only 16 colors or 16 bitmap but woman can see 50 shades of grey.
2. Men need graphic porn with classic "someone ordered a pizza" whereas women need written literature which would help them visualise and build their imagination and their fantasy.
3. Men need big boobs, thin waist and right shade of tan to F@##$, and there is no need to even know the woman's name.
And women want even their billionaire men to rush to their bed and hug and kiss them for every meltdown of theirs.
4. In a way it kinda helped woman and increased their confidence, they no longer need to feel ashamed about their fantasies.
And I vote for new term to be coined "SLAVEBATION" or "LADYBATION" or "ANABATION" as a term for woman masturbation.
Chemistry equation of man and woman:
1 to N woman are studs and 1 to M man sluts equation has a additional variable now or a additional result. Makes me happy.
1 man , n women => STUD
1 woman , n men => SLUT (archaic)
1 teenage virgin man,1 Closed-for-business woman => not JAMES BOND but BILLIONAIRE GREY
1 aged virgin woman, 1 out-of-the-world hot guy => BESTSELLER
The new punks or new hot chicks:-I cant deny that I am thankful to these authors - "Twilight" Stephanie Meyer and "50 shades" E.L.James, they managed to change the "most wanted girl" stereotype of girls. They managed to change the face of hot chicks - plain boring heavy loser virgins with muffintops.
-Not just looser guys go for mailorder brides but billionaire and never-aging vampires do go for plain chicks for they are subservient. One more score FOR BOYCOTT-AMERICAN-WOMAN brigade?
After reading reviews about J.K.Rowling's adult fiction, I cant imagine if E.L.James tried the other side - "50 shades for Kids".
"How I wet your mother?"
If her heroine and hero of novel got married, what would they tell their kids about their love story?
"I was contractually bound to your dad?", "All post-teenage rapes were consensual?"
Useful tips to use this book:
- If grown up kid of yours isnt moving out of your basement, roam around your house with this book in hand
- Men who dont want to have kids should read this book (efficient contraceptive -Vatican roulette for men)
- Replace tasers and rape whistles with below.
- bite your lips
- say "I am Ana" or "I am Christian" or "You look hot like Mrs.Robinson" loud
- Petting zoo of naked Madam Tussuad's statues of Chris Hemsworth, Brad Pitt, Christian Bale and handsome hunks
- Avoid when you are in heat
- Riders should be 40 or older
- Not suitable for people who doesnt want to take celibacy oath for life
- official costume available in all S&M stores
- every ride shall have lotion and tissues in the entrance
- Ride names : Boner rides, Vertical limit, Horizontal limit, Patrick Bateman, Hot liquid
- Free coupons for orgies
- Cougar rides shall have Christian Grey costume or 007 costume?
- Ads shall have "someone had been to 50 shades recently" if they ...
Moral of the story:1. Stripper named Grey knocks your door? Dont open the door.
2. If you had lost your virginity to a married woman in her 40s your life is ...
3. If you are a guy with a plain boring chick, feel proud it means that you are the DOMINANT aka alphamale in S&M games.